stumble n fall....

it's been a month since i last blogged.... ders been things to write... but i hv been too lazy to(as i always m).. but i finally went thru my account today... n i deleted a dozen posts... posts i wrote at a tym when i was in dis "phase" a couple of months ago.. dis silly phase i hd (i wish i nevr hv it again...)... i ws going thru them n i realised hw much of a fool i ws then.. gosh... was i dat much a fool??? i guess i was.... i ws js too lost in my own thoughts... too lost in another world.... n i say i m sensible.... !!!! i definitely wsnt in the right mind then... how could i hv misjudged it completely..??? but m wiser now (or m i??? ).... i keep myself guarded.... but i m as unpredictable as ever... n i nevr know when i m gonna let myself fall into a burning ring of fire again... honestly,,i don't trust myself at all.... any day i may stumble n fall n hurt myself.... n i dread to see dat day when i may get into dis loop of self-torture again.... i m nt sure if i could tak another bloodshed again.... i guess i hv had too much.... but then i m an eternal optimist.. (geez...).. i always hope for the best... even in the worst of times.... i fall n yet i rise again...(n i fall again... lol)... js a couple of months ago, i hd a bad fall... .but i survived wit minor injuries n i rose.... so the next thing coming may b me falling again... so ya i bettr watch out for myself.... but i can't live in fear of getting hurt...i can't live in a shell..... i can't put my guard on every moment... wat if i let my guard down for a second n dat second i get hit by the thing i wud dread to get hit with??? m in a fix.... but then i gotta tak things as they come.... let life throw at me what it wishes to.... it's not dat easy to break me.. it's nt dat easy to bring me down.... so it's a battle i m fighting.. a battle against myself... i know eventually i will lose (i hv been there before).... but m gonna fight it till da moment of surrender.... m gonna fight my battle....