where art thou??

i am in need of a mentor, a guide; someone to fall back on and talk to. i need someone whose advice i can seek when i am unsure about what life tries to throw at me. someone who would lend a ear to what i say. standing here today at the crossroads, i need that someone more than ever. it would make a whole lot of difference if i had him/her. i have been standing alone all this while. it wouldn't do me any harm if someone came along and stood beside me. it would be a welcome change just to have someone whose presence would make things seem simpler. but here i am mentor-less and guide-less. here i am standing alone dealing with life and the many things that come along with it. has my mentor decided to never show up? has my guide gone into hiding? where art thou? do i call out your name? do you have a name,sir?
perhaps part of it is my fault. i have never been able to open myself fully to anyone. i have never tried talking much to anyone even close to a mentor. for the most part of my life, i have followed the strategy of keeping my mouth shut, keeping all my thoughts to myself; qualities that would't really bring me a mentor. i know i have started opening up since i came to college. i have seen changes in myself; for the better i hope. but by now, i have scared all potential mentors away. gone. so here i am moving on with this mentor-less guide-less life. but what the hell!!..why even bother?? all this while,i have fared pretty well without a mentor. and i am gonna do just fine this time too. (optimism!!. .my eternal affliction!!)